I would like to stop and look back where I had gone wrong. Because Chase is for revision again. I use to believe there could be hope for him somehow. I did what the editor told me and still, it was not enough. Should I let him go or should I dare hang on? How many times can I allow myself to rewrite his story? I have a lot of pending manuscripts now and because of my hung up for him, I cannot move on. After Marco, I barely survived with Ruben. I am not sure if I can start writing Ego's story now that I am having self doubts. I have to believe in myself again and in my ability to craft a good romance story. Sometimes, it's just too hard when I get a for revision notice twice in a row and for the same manuscript.
The editor might as well have told me to trash it and it would have been okay. But I was given hope that I could still salvage the manuscript. I guess I was wrong.
What does my heart tell me? Sometimes, I don't want to know. I'd rather listen to my brain from now on.
~janikka
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